The View From Here / Empty Nest Repost #7

My parents are on either side of 90; my father born the year women were given the right to vote. They've lived through several wars and several presidents. The civil rights movement and men landing on the moon. The Great Depression and prosperous economic times. I am struck by how different life is now versus how it was when they were first beginning to pay attention to the world around them. They receive information in ways that probably seemed unimaginable when they were growing up. News comes more frequently and from an increasing number of sources. In print. On the radio. On television. On line. 

I am in awe of their continued interest in local, national and world events. Their interest in those affected by the difficulties of life or in natural disasters. In history and in learning from it. Those two people: They taught me to march forward. To learn and give and trust and try hard. To be as self-sufficient as possible. To have faith. To be interested.

I am struck by how different the world is now than when I was growing up. Certain things have changed and like each generation, there are ways I've had to catch up. Learn. Understand. Accept. To see things fairly I've needed to circle around a bit in order to find the perspective that helps me know what is right, meaningful, good and true.  It's a personal journey, this trek through the years of history I've been allotted, and I want to remain thoughtful about my choices. My actions. My decisions.

I know my sons view their own lives......their own portion of history...... somewhat differently than I did at their ages. I can look back, remember and know what I looked forward to. Planned for. Was innocent of. What is it are they thinking about and planning for? How do they see their future? What have they learned from past generations who have supported their growth? What do they still have to learn?

Recent events have probably got me thinking about all of this. It's good to remind myself every so often.

~~~~~~

Following is a link to re-post #7 about the Empty Nest. It's about sibling relationships. Hope you check it out again!

Beary Good

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.

Warmly,

Margaret

Life Un-Planned / Empty Nest Repost #6

All day Saturday and on into the night, the wind blew. Trees rustled and shook the rain falling in sheets off their leaves. It whooshed and whipped about, hovering just below a whistle or a howl. Except for a short break when the sun and sky sweetly shone, it has rained since. It is still raining. On and on and on. The air feels moist. Traffic is snarled. The light is soft and muted and gray.

Downstairs, like the rain outside, the pounding has barely ceased. At least for the past couple of eight hour work days. The percussion section that has set up shop in my home is interesting, varied, loud. Drum. Glockenspiel. Crash symbol. Gong. Wood block. They are all included. Not very talented as musicians if you ask me, but there is an organic sound of work that I don't mind at all. I admit that I'm making the best of my imagination while hammer-claws rip off cabinets or boards, and pieces of wood, metal, tools or nails are dropped at erratic intervals. Bang, bang bang. Thud. Crash. Woosh. Bang. If they could just coordinate the sounds a bit during this demolition work, they might actually sound good together.

One of the workers decided to have a cigarette just inside the garage in order to stay safe and dry and out of the nasty elements. Tobacco smoke traveled up and through my open window, something my system doesn't tolerate well. I was trying to get a few things done and needed to go ask him to please move down the driveway. Nicely. Within a few minutes I had descended the stairs once again to let him know (nicely) that I was having a difficult time concentrating. Tunes blasting at outrageous decibels were coming from a portable stereo placed where a brown couch used to be. They didn't complement the sounds already echoing and bouncing off of the empty walls, ceiling and subfloor. "Sorry", I say. "You'll have to turn that off." 

I in no way feel sorry for myself amidst this upheaval. Even during the jarring, unpredictable and discordant noises going on downstairs. Even after the reality of being relegated upstairs for a few weeks has set in (along with two dogs whose eyes ask how I could possibly allow any of this to go on). Even after the slight glitch that was discovered this morning (a noticeable 'dip' in the sub-floor), that needs to be fixed and will set us back a day and a few more dollars. Even after stepping into an uncovered vent, twisting my ankle, getting my foot stuck, frightening the pup and the contractor, breaking a nail and feeling slightly embarrassed.

I in no way feel sorry for myself. This is something I signed up for. Planned for. Saved money for. I am what caused this demolition to happen. (Well............Marc and I are.) Not a hurricane or a windstorm or a flood or a blizzard. We knew the date when parts of our home would be torn away, when they would be built back again and who would do it. It's a happy inconvenience at most, not a disaster. 

Last week I  wrote about Where I Live and a bit about preparing for this project. This was before mega-storm 'Sandy' demolished so much of the East Coast. Before so many were tossed about by life un-planned. Before they evacuated or became stranded. Before they lost many things......or everything. Before they found out that they needed to rebuild, but first needed to figure out where or when or how or who. To those affected by this recent disaster, those who were faced with the unexpected and with devastation...... my thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Wishing you all peaceful days ahead.

Warmly, 

Margaret

Below is a link to #7 in my Empty Nest re-posts: On paying attention......On appreciating them for a whole bunch of reasons when they come home. 

Priorities

XO

Where I Live and Empty Nest Repost #5

Oh...how late I am with this post. Many, many things going on here at Home. I'm finishing up a few, getting a few under control, and moving forward with others........and that makes me feel lighter. More relaxed. I don't like leaving a task or a job undone. Don't like beginning something I'm interested in or excited about without having time to work on it. 

I have to say that I'm the kind of person who enjoys a desk that's cleared off and organized before I begin the day.......so the fact that the main floor of our house will be torn apart......stripped to its bare-nakedness beginning Monday, seems like it should bother me. But there is a plan and I have general outline of what to expect; what to look forward to. I've been given a time frame regarding completion and even though I know that time frame may tend to wander back or forth on the calendar.....it's good to know 'something'. 

Removing everything down to the bones of where we do most of our our daily living has taken time and care and thought and work. After several days of it, I am tired and aching and sore......and thankful to be nearly done. I have stepped on and off chairs in order to reach far back into high places, heaved and stacked boxes, and carried plates and dishes and books from here to there.......a more intense workout than any I've had in quite awhile.

The preparation phase has been hefty with memory as well. In the rifling and sorting, in the keeping and the discarding, the donating and recycling and wrapping for safe-keeping, I've found 27 years of marriage and twenty-five years of children. Eighteen years of life in this structure......in this community. 50-something years of life held in cupboards and drawers and closets and rooms.

In handling each item I've rediscovered moments that shaped and indulgently taken advantage of opportunities to revisit parts of my life that normally I don't on a daily basis: A basket of handwritten notes.  A dainty collection of teacups and saucers. A china lady dressed in gold and white who holds a bouquet of flowers and was a precious gift given to my Mother from my Dad when I was born. (I placed her inside a glass doored bookcase upstairs, rather than risk wrapping her up at all.) There were elementary school lunch pails stashed in a cupboard I rarely open......apparently put there because I wasn't ready to pass them on. Champagne glasses, napkins printed with funny sentiments, Christmas mugs, Mom mugs, Dad mugs, kid mugs. Jars of jam, a snowman tea ball, cookie cutters, cheese knives and cookbooks with notes scrawled by my grown men as young children stuck inside.

This process has been a necessary one. There were certain things that without a doubt were falling apart; in need of repair. It's also been an opportunity......for in the culling and the paring down, we've made conscious choices to hold on to what is important; knowing what outlines and defines our years as separate beings, our years together....... the possibilities of the years ahead. 

Beginning Monday, I will have a comfy place to hang out upstairs.  I'll miss cooking and my kitchen. I'll miss working and writing and sitting at the big table where I watch our back yard......but changing things up a bit is good. It sparks imagination and spurs creativity. It causes one to reflect. It makes one decide and choose and know what is important.

~~~~~

The following is a link to the fifth in my series of reposts about the empty nest. I does me good to go back and read these. Reminds me a little about where I was. What I was thinking or feeling or doing at the point they were written. Where I am now. What I've learned.


Markers

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead!

Warmly, 

Margaret

Home...... and Empty Nest Revisited - 4

Home. For the past six months it seems as if I've been everywhere else but here. And when I have been here......I've either been thinking about or planning to be.......somewhere else. In other words, even when I've been home........there were times when I haven't REALLY been......home.

Now don't get me wrong. I feel fortunate to have been elsewhere. I have visited those that I love and those places that I love. I've had fun and exercised and engaged in meaningful conversations. I enjoyed a birthday dinner at my parents table and tried out a couple new restaurants with my boys. I've been windblown and listened to waves crash onto a rocky beach. Attended workshops and classes, and practiced and learned. And I've discovered a few things: New flavors. New towns. Things I am capable of that I didn't know before.  

But now that I'm back, I can feel my body breathing out the huge deep sigh of settling in. Deep down I'm a 'homebody'. Put me on our couch with my best blanket, a warm cup of something and a book or my knitting or the phone......and I'm good. I think I need some days filled with time spent looking out the window and into our back yard, the sound of laundry tumbling in the background, or the earthy scent of dinner simmering on the stove or baking in the oven. I need days to plan maintenance and repairs. Days in which to organize. 

Home. It's where I want to be right now. For a while.

~~~~~

 Here is a link to repost #4 about the 'Empty Nest':

  Almost There

Hope you enjoy it.......especially if you haven't read it before.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead!

Warmly, 

Margaret

From Beach to Mountain..... and Empty Nest Revisted - 3

Good Wednesday Morning!

Saturday I returned home from the Oregon Coast.......and tomorrow will be heading in the opposite direction. Switching gears from a focused week behind my camera to a few days focused on our youngest.

Within a weeks time, I will have traveled from sea level to a city built in an ancient lake. 

From work to play. From 'me' time to family time. From colorful beach towns to Rocky Mountain fall colors. From the muted tones of the Pacific horizon to a Saturday football stadium sea of maroon and silver. 

Last week was about raucous fall waves, windy beaches, working harbors, sea stacks, seabirds and sand. This weekend......about a raucous group of twenty year olds, music, listening, fun, football and food. 

For sure it will be about food! Reservations are secured at his favorite restaurant. Cookies are in the oven. Spicy marinated soba noodles packed in containers and ready to go. And I know we'll stop for a sandwich and cup of 'Hangover Stew' or enormous 'Mondo Burrito' at a couple of our favorite lunch places.

Last week I was anxious to find out what the ocean and it's coastline had in store for me. This week I'm looking forward to seeing what my son has in store. Finding out how he has planned our days. Living in his world for just a bit. Observing what he thinks is important and worthwhile.......how he expresses himself and what he is proud of.

Below is the link to the third in a series of re-posts about the 'Empty Nest'. It is an essay I wrote a while ago that was picked up by Mamalode Magazine.....so by clicking on it you will be directed to their website.

Commencement

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead!

Warmly, Margaret

Empty Nest Revisited - 2

Good Morning from Florence, Oregon. I'm spending time here, as well as in a couple of other places on the Oregon Coast, attending a photography workshop. What a great week! I've learned a lot and the weather and sunrise/sunset light has cooperated nicely. Photos to follow.....

As I mentioned last week, for the next few Wednesdays I will be revisiting some posts that have to do with sending my youngest off to college. Posts that were written as I faced a recently emptied nest. My hope is that others entering into a new or different phase in their lives will be able to relate to at least some of what I've written. That knowing about another persons journey helps and supports their own....whether that be a last child leaving home, a move, a job or relationship change.......or a change in how you view yourself or life that goes on around you. The following was written nearly two years ago, after we returned him back to school following a five week winter break.


Mother Nature Gets it......Right???

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.

Warmly, 

Margaret

The Empty Nest - Revisited

Last evening I sat, along with a group of women....all of us mothers......in a friends living room for a chat. The main topic was the 'empty nest', and so, wine glasses in hand we talked about surviving it. Thriving in it. Looking beyond the enormous gaping hole left in our kids wake.  Those of us who've been there for awhile had a few suggestions and stories to share with the others. For a few the transition was fresh; for others it is impending within the next year or two.

When our youngest was getting ready to head off to college (or should I say I was attempting to get ready for him to head off to college.....mentally he had been out the door for months), I said to Marc, "This isn't fair. No one tells you about this part when you're excitedly planning for a baby." 

Until just before each of them left......I hadn't given much thought to them actually...... (gulp) leaving. As it should be, I think, but as with an earthquake......some level of preparedness might have been nice. To paraphrase a cliche, 'When one door closes, another swings wide open whether you like it or not'.......and I know that personally I had a choice: To either be overwhelmed by that gaping hole, or to take full advantage of its enormous opportunities.

A freshly emptied nest is what prompted me to begin this blog in the first place. It gave me an organized way to process and deal with my thoughts, feelings and experiences. A healthy way to miss my boys. It was a chance to express myself and explore my interests. Posting became something I looked forward to, the very best part of which was the thought of sharing parts of this transition with others. 

Fall is here. Many 'nests' have recently emptied. Many know it will be happening within the next couple of years. So with the conversations of last evening in mind,  for the next few Wednesdays I'll be re-sharing some of my posts about the empty nest, beginning with the first one and taking it forward from there. I hope that they somehow make a difference, no matter what transitions are taking place in your life. Click below for a link to the first:

Time

I will have separate posts about other topics as well.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.

Warmly, Margaret