Twenty-Five

A few (many) years ago....when I was twenty-five, I lived in an apartment in Seattle. It was a one bedroom, where, for the first time in my life, I lived by myself, with my cat, Eddie. At first that apartment felt strange and spacious and sort of decadent, since I had only lived with groups of others up until that point: a family of seven, a dorm, college and post college houses and apartments full of friends. I paid affordable rent for digs that had a view of Lake Union, the Space Needle and Queen Ann Hill. From my large window I watched morning light, sunsets, a famous lighting storm that I think the Seattle Times still sells photos from and lighted Christmas ships pass by throughout the holiday season. The building was in a neighborhood right in the city and had an actual asphalt parking lot where I could park my car. I started my job at the hospital at 7 and made it home by 4, which left plenty of time for an afternoon walk around Greenlake or to Pete's Market to see what sounded good for dinner.

At that point in my life, my sister and one or two other friends met up nearly every weekend for Breakfast at Julia's Fourteen Carrot Cafe which I could walk to. Their Tahitian Toast with a side of fresh fruit and yogurt was, and still is, one of my very favorite breakfast food memories of all times. For awhile, on Thursday evenings, my sister and one of these same friends took turns making dinner, after which we would tune in to the latest episodes of Family Ties, The Cosby Show and Cheers......one of the very best TV lineups of all times. 

At twenty-five I took the occasional weekend trip, understood I had never met someone like Marc before (we had been dating for about a year and a half at that point) and dreamt of going back to school. I enjoyed my friendships, loved to cook, walked for exercise, read and made things. I chopped enormous salads topped with cottage cheese, shredded cheddar, raisins and crushed saltines many nights for my dinner. I drove into downtown Seattle to shop and look and dream. I loved all kinds of music but had a special passion for classical. I knew I loved the out-of-doors, writing and taking pictures, and had a sense of adventure. I liked where my life was and where it was going. I didn't know exactly what the future held, but didn't really feel the need to either.

At twenty-five I didn't know that within the next five years I would be married, move all the way across the country and then back again, or have twin boys. I didn't know I'd have a husband who would give me flowers the day before our anniversary (which is, by the way today!) so that I could enjoy them the entire day of, or that another baby boy would come along. That I would explore my political views, quit a paying job to stay home and raise kids or exchange a vibrant city for the suburbs. 

About a week ago, my older boys turned twenty-five and I am (blank) years over twice their age. I think they live in a more complicated world than I did at that age.....but perhaps my parents felt the same way about me and their other children.  The one thing I do know is that certain themes have carried on throughout my life: my interests, what I value and the purposeful ways I spend my time. I can look back and see a similar pattern in my boys; activities each of them showed an interest in from an early age and the ways those have translated into how they currently choose to spend their time and energy. 

Have they noticed this pattern? I'm not sure and I don't really want to point it out....just to encourage them to pursue whatever it is that they're interested in. I want them to have the same sense of discovery about their own lives that I did and still do about mine.

Holiday Dream

Last night I had one of those dreams. You know the one: Where you wake up engulfed in panic because you arrived late to a test or slept through a job interview. Nearly everyone I know has experienced a version of this dream at one time or another. 

My own personal twist on this nighttime theme of missing-out-on-something-important was that I showed up on time but forgot to bring my camera. In this scenario I was at a photo workshop, riding along merrily with a few others toward the location of our shoot. I remember being happy and chatty and looking out at the passing scenery, excited for all of its potential...... but as we piled out of the car and onto a rocky beach near sunset, I realized I had forgotten my gear. As everyone else, carrying cameras and tripods and backpacks with lenses in them, raced toward a variety of shooting possibilities, I stayed behind to dig through the trunk and circle 'round the vehicle in order to scan its seats thoroughly just one more time. 

Nope. I had arrived without a camera, I was away from home, and the hotel we were staying at was miles away. In this dream I wasn't the driver of the group of photographers, but a passenger, and I remember thinking that I couldn't very well ask him or her to drive me back to collect it. There would be no use, because by the time we both returned, all of that glorious evening light bathing the sand and rocks and driftwood and shore life would have disappeared. While normally I check and double check to make sure I have every piece of equipment I might need for a shoot, apparently I was so distracted by the fun and conversation of the people around me that I had neglected to bring any of it. To focus on the one necessary thing.

In the next scene......because, you know, my dreams have scenes......I was sitting back on a log watching the others in their excitement, wondering how to creatively stretch the limits of the Instagram app on my cell phone. 

~~~~~

So 'What is going on in your life, Margaret?' you might ask? Well.....a lot. Wonderful things, but a lot. And I'm theorizing maybe too-much-at-once, because...... I had that dream last night. 

We are inching closer to the Holidays......what am I saying? The holidays are HERE. 
Meanwhile, the remodel on the main floor of our house is inching along. I will not complain (not one bit) but I've been without use of a kitchen since October 29th. And without my favorite writing, gift wrapping, photo editing, and gazing-out-the-window-into-the-backyard table. The table where I set my baked goods on racks to cool, work on Christmas projects and the one which, I think, prompts me to write a few lines on this blog. (See, I knew I could fit in a great excuse for skipping out on a post for last week!) The Holidays are......errr......HERE, not one cookie has been baked and I'm feeling a bit stressed and behind and wondering if I will be be able to pull it all together by the time two of our boys return home from afar. Or at the very least by Dec 25th.

Amidst all of this sort of chaos, I do, every day, know and understand that I have much to be thankful for. Here is a list I made last year: Thankful . It still applies. I'm going to re-read it now as a good reminder to myself. Then I will take a few deep breathes and try to slow down and compartmentalize and do what I want/need to get done. I will visualize and dream about it all coming together.....or at the very least appreciate each moment as I move forward.

Wishing you a Wonderful Week ahead!

XO. 

Warmly, Margaret

Parenting

When stepping back for a moment to review the past many years of parenting (25), certain themes emerge. If I was forced at this moment, to come up with a short list of what I hope to have taught our boys, this is what immediately comes to mind: 

Be brave. Look forward. Attempt to see the 'big picture'. Value education and life long learning. Know that it's better to have zero good friends for a couple of months than to have ones that aren't right for you right now. It's your life, there are twenty-four hours in a day and you get to choose how to spend them. Have compassion....always. Trust your own ability to make a decision.

I realize this list could and should be (and really is) much longer..........but I said a 'short' one and the above is what surfaced during the few minutes I sat with my morning cup of coffee. I know that I'm speaking as just one member of a parenting partnership here......no doubt that if Marc were writing this he would have his own thoughts and additions.  I also know that each item could be the topic of an entire set of essays, but I'll save that for possible future posts.

I didn't step through the door of parenthood knowing how to be one, let alone a 'good' one. I'm pretty sure no parent ever has. Relying on well written books, friends and a spouse who share similar values, and an amazing set of parents of my own has helped immensely, but it's largely a 'learn as you go' venture, don't you think? Or maybe I should say adventure, which the dictionary defines as excitement, thrill, risk, uncertainty and precariousness......an apt description of many parts of the parenting journey. 

I will say that I have learned as much or more about how to be a parent from each of my boys as I did from any of the above resources. They taught me how to parent them; showed me that they are unique individuals and needed me to raise them as such. If somehow I didn't get it right the first time, they would be certain to circle back around to help me understand again......and again and again just to be sure I did. So as they leave this house, and then come back and leave again, most times for parts and experiences unknown, I can only hope that we've all taught each other what we need to know. That we keep sturdy, cohesive, respectful, strong and loving ties wherever any of us ends up.

This week one of our boys began a new job and showed us the view of downtown Seattle he can see from his desk. One bought a one-way ticket to New York and trusts he will have found a place to live by the time his plane lands. (I believe he will.) The third left to go camping and hiking in a national park (where I happen to know there are bears) without telling us just which part of this enormous park he planned to be in. He saw wildlife and waterfalls and rocky cliffs. He visited a glacier. He and his friends stuck their heads into an aqua lake floating enormous chunks of ice. They all gave us a call or sent us texts or showed us pictures. They each continue to sculpt their futures by recognizing desires and passions, and then using those to formulate words that turn into actions. They trust themselves and their decision making. I am so proud of them for this.

There have been moments in the past couple of years when I prematurely thought the parenting part was just about finished; that since the five of us are now all adults, much of the job is done. But now, especially now, I know that it's not. Even at my age......even at the stage of life that I'm at...... I continue to look toward my own parents: For sage advice. For the value of their lives experiences. For sturdy and strong ties.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.

Warmly, Margaret

13.1

I've always loved to walk out of doors. It is a low stress activity. It releases any tension I may be carrying around. It is fresh air and discovery. It is purposeful movement and unexpected moments. It encourages both acute observation and becoming lost in thought at the same time. The repetitive motion puts my world in perspective. It is good for me. 


Throughout my twenties, I took long walks around Greenlake in Seattle several times a week. With my earphones on and my Walkman (it was the 80's) tuned to the classical station, I made my way around the 3 mile path (often more than once) and watched it change with the seasons. At the time I worked in  a hospital lab......a fairly precise and uncreative way to spend 8-10 hours a day......but on the path around the lake, bird calls, breezes and a multitude of instruments provided background music that highlighted the movement and drama of nature.


At some point, as they say, 'life happened'. My walks became fewer and farther in-between, and since I no longer lived close enough, were rarely around the lake. Now and again I've picked it back up, but other responsibilities regularly began to take precedence over the time I used to give myself.  Sometimes I have stopped for weeks or months or ended up walking only when I was either out of town or on vacation. 


This fall a few friends and I decided to meet up twice a week to walk. We had the same goals in mind:  fresh air, exercise,  friendship,  fun. I love that I've made a commitment to show up, not only for myself but for the others as well, and that we spend time out of doors rain or shine. One of the women is a realtor, which translates into the fact that she knows just about every steep hill in the area. We push and/or wait for each other. We encourage and support each other. 


Early on we set a goal of walking the Seattle Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon together and on Saturday we did it.  Although we had planned to keep a somewhat slower pace than normal......for some reason no one did. In fact, I think we all walked faster! We strode past shops, the Public Market, sports stadiums, industrial areas, neighborhoods, schools and parks. We walked into and out of two tunnels, across a couple of over-passes and along the shore of Lake Washington. It was a beautiful and priceless opportunity to view our city in a way we never have before. And......although it had been pouring rain for the couple days previously......and although rain was predicted to fall on that day......the sun came out and there was not a drop that fell on us during the entire 13.1 miles.


3 hours and 37 minutes, and lots of encouragement from bands and bystanders later, we crossed the finish line together. I've been outside walking several times this week. I have my sites set on next year.


Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.


Warmly, Margaret

Courage / Inspiration

The other day I came across a post somewhere that stated simply: Creativity Takes Courage.

I've had some time to think about this and what those three words have meant in my world. They bring to mind, in fact, exactly how I felt the day before I left for my first photography workshop a few years ago. How I had worried to a friend that I shouldn't be doing this. Even though I had signed up, made air, rental car and hotel reservations, I seriously considered calling it off.

I would be traveling by myself to a small town I'd never been to before, meeting up with people I didn't know and was unfamiliar with the terrain I'd be navigating in my rental. I recognized that I wanted to learn, but was fairly intimidated by the fact that the extent of my photographic skills at the time were that I could find a scene through the viewfinder and push the shutter......but little else. There were buttons and wheels and menus on my camera and I didn't know what many of them were used for. What I knew about my computer, photo editing programs, light and composition was just as sparse. Marc nearly had to push me out the door on the morning I left...... and did some talking, if I remember correctly, to encourage me to get me on that plane. (On the plus side I had my cell phone just in case I decided to turn around and come home.)

I was well aware that I was stepping out of my comfort zone and it had been years since I'd been brave enough to do that. During the entire trip there and all of the first evening in this little town, I asked myself 'why'. The answer was, of course, that I REALLY DID want to do this. I wanted to know more, and fortunately, even though I was nervous, my gut kept reminding me of this. As true as it was that I was near tears before I left, it is also true that I had been near tears weeks earlier as I viewed a slide show the photographer I was meeting up with had on his website. His images were beautiful and moving and I wanted to learn to make some of my own. I REALLY DID want to do this!! Thank goodness that the part of me that jumped in with both feet won out over the part of me that tried to hold myself back.

I returned a different person, confident that I possessed the courage to listen to my gut, try something out and follow a passion. To listen to my 'real self' and move forward. This workshop was just the first step of many, and since then I've been tuned in to others that have taken steps of their own: Brave friends, family members and acquaintances who recognize that they possess certain interests or talents and have had the courage to trust the process of exploring them. They have gone back to school, opened businesses, created web sites, taken time off, started bands, become yoga instructors, written and recorded songs, moved, changed jobs, changed careers and.......they all inspire me.

Wishing you a wonderful week with some great inspiration along the way!

Warmly, Margaret

Discovery

Hello from Missoula, Montana. This is Day 5 of a six day photography workshop at the Rocky Mountain School of Photography and I am practically buzzing with all I've learned. What a great experience this week has been so far.

I have been pushed in ways I had not yet imagined...which is, I guess the beauty of putting ones self 'out there'.  The pay off of paying attention to an urge. A dream. An intuition. Of listening to what makes you happy. Of taking a risk.

The truth is that doing what makes you happy, I have found many times over, isn't necessarily easy. The fact that there are angst inducing decisions involved....that there are times I am forced to stretch and grow and see things differently....tempts me to allow my life to remain, every day, 'as is'.  The past few days I have been busy and tired and missing my home. I've gone to sleep late,  jumped out of bed early the next morning and needed an extra cup of coffee in order to make it thorough the following afternoon. I have entered a room full of strangers and made an effort to get to know them all. I've carried heavy equipment for blocks, been caught out in rain, wind, sleet and snow for hours and managed not to fall into a rushing creek.

Has it been worth it? A definitive 'Yes'! Every single moment! I have learned to see subtleties that one week ago I may not have noticed, improved my technical skills, scrawled pages of notes and asked a lot of myself creatively. I've explored options on my camera's menu I have not used before and discovered further all the places this camera of mine can take me. I have had wonderful conversations with wonderful people. Been challenged to see and compose and shoot in new and different ways. I have defined what I'm capable of...... and realized I'm capable of even more than that. I've settled comfortably into what previously seemed...... uncomfortable.

I have fallen into bed happy each night. Challenged and fulfilled and encouraged and wanting more and more and more of this. And feeling, most importantly, that the pursuit of continually learning and improving my photographic skills is the absolute right path for me to be on.

Wishing you a wonderful week of your own kinds of discoveries!

Warmly, Margaret

The Sweet Spot

Was it this (blasted) office project that has got me to thinking more about what my future plans will or should entail? I've been avoiding cleaning out and organizing it for a few years now, and then all of a sudden it was THE day to begin. I knew the task would be long and challenging. I knew that in facing all of that 'stuff' I would be called upon to make decisions. What stays? What goes? What holds value? What is no longer useful?

I've gotten rid of old files and created new ones. I have shredded reams of bank statements, insurance forms, receipts and records. Tossed out user manuals, out dated Christmas card lists and blurred photos. The recycling bin (which is the size of an enormous garbage can) is mostly full this week because of my efforts.

And I have finally dug into The Sweet Spot: That tender place I had been unwilling to touch for years that held homework projects, awards, schedules, team rosters, cards and small bits of paper written or drawn upon by three pair of young hands. Now that I've spent time with it, I know with crystal clarity why I rushed by so quickly, eyes averted, each day. It was something I didn't want to deal with and so pretended it wasn't even there. In the meantime it had grown like a mis-managed rhododendron; thick leaves and sturdy branches strewn about on top of one another representing years that have passed and boys that have grown.  A marriage matured, family threads interwoven and unique memories. Roots that run healthy and deep.

I didn't want to revisit that pile for what I did not want to see: Time.

In turning over what had settled comfortably into that spot, I've come across grade school collages, college essays, poems, drawings, sports programs, acknowledgments, certificates, newspaper articles and notes. One of my favorites was a piece of paper with tape stuck to it shouting "MOM CAN WE GO TO THE LIBRARY TODAY?" scrawled in a nine-year-old hand. There were comments on a first grade report card (one of which was 'quite a talker') that accurately describe a certain son as the adult he is today. A collection of photos show another, book in hand, in a rocking chair, in a beach chair, by the fire, by a pool, at home, on vacation......you name it. Photos of him, of course, are still likely to be snapped with the book he is currently reading found somewhere within the frame. There is a photo of an exhausted three year old, sitting up to the dinner table, head fallen back, mouth open, eyes closed......asleep in front of a plate of lasagna and garlic bread. The same kid who, this many years later, would still never desert a good plate of food.

And so it goes. The Sweet Spot has not disappeared but has been sifted through, divided up and saved. Its unruliness neatly portioned off for each son, waiting for the right occasion to be passed on.

It's time for a change. Time to take stock. Time to wrap up a couple of projects and stamp them FINISHED. Time to ramp up and plan to put a couple of new ideas in motion. In other words, in my world, its time to shake things up a bit. Cleaning out the office.....revisiting those years that hung out in the pile in the corner reminded me of this......and I think that's a good thing every so often. 

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead!

Margaret 

Dedicated Space

Natural light. Uncluttered surfaces. Clean lines. Neutral gray. Blank walls. A dedicated space. Minimal distractions. This is the workspace I dream about.

I'm in need of a place to work and create that doesn't affect other people. Where their needs don't affect what I'm attempting to distill onto the computer screen or on paper. There are times when Marc hesitates to come downstairs if he thinks I'm in the middle of something at my spot at the kitchen table. He doesn't want to interrupt. I've asked people to turn down the TV or watch it in their room. They trip over my computer cord. I move my 'stuff' from the kitchen table then back again depending on mealtime. I've been known to write in the downstairs bathroom in order to have a little quiet, think clearly and complete a thought. 

Not fair to them. Not fair to me.

So I'm setting out to transform the tiny office upstairs. When the room was built for the former owners of this house, it apparently worked well for them and their home business, but it doesn't work at all well for me.

For one thing it's PINK. I've occasionally been described as a 'girly' girl and for a very long time my favorite color was pink. The other day, in fact, I returned home with a bright pink rain jacket to wear when I walk and was so very OK about that. Wearing it makes me feel happy and energetic......so I have nothing at all against PINK. But surround me with muted PINK cabinets and walls, PINK wall to wall counter top and a PINK toned vinyl floor and I become nothing but sleepy and distracted. Colors on my computer screen are skewed by light bouncing off the surfaces. Writing seems nearly impossible because......well......I'm surrounded by this set up. Ever since I discovered how well the natural light and backyard view from the kitchen table work for me, I've been planted there in the main center of our home, thinking that was just fine....until I realized it wasn't. 

First I've got to sift through what has found it's way into this office space. Placing things in there began with all good intentions. Important papers were kept in labeled file folders. Photo albums, baby books, journals, computer discs, owners manuals and supplies lived neatly inside cupboards. And then slowly I guess, because I don't remember ever consciously DECIDING to use the room for this....it became a place to put things that I either didn't want to deal with at the moment, or didn't have time to deal with at the moment. At some point I began to avoid opening the door......unless of course I needed to stash something I planned to get to later. Once I found my perch with the nature-view-downstairs-in-the-light, the little upstairs office became stuck in kind of a time warp. And there is the slightest chance that in the last few months, so have I. Until I saw possibility. Then I began to dig in.  

At this point there are piles in the upstairs hallway on either side of the office door. Meaningful piles. Small manageable piles that make this clean out easier to deal with. Whatever happens to be saved from the shredder, the recycling bin or the donation truck is put away for real someplace else in the house. And rather than allowing myself to become overwhelmed by this (very large and involved) task,  I can see how each pile represents an opportunity I've taken during the past few years to hang out with one of my kids, invest in some fun or to take time for some other important responsibility.

Just a few minutes of sifting through paper, photographs and books each day, that's all I'm asking of myself. It should take another week or two, and after that I'm going to give someone a call to find out what it would take to remove the cabinets, counter top and floor. If I can afford it I'll make the window larger in order to have the backyard view I love so much. I'm planning to replace the lighting, find a neutral shade of paint and put a functional desk in there. One of my sons showed me how I could add a few extra feet of workspace by eliminating the linen closet on the other side of the wall. He also helped me visualize a whole new work flow.

Really......this isn't going to be as difficult as I thought.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Warmly, Margaret

A Song.

As is usual after some time away, I'm busy catching up around here. I've been working on  some photos and hope to share some of the ones I took in and around the Napa Valley soon. For now I'll leave you with the following:

 Evidence and Answers. Love this song. Love this video.

(And yes....this is the very talented singer/songwriter/musician, David Boone, that Peter works for.)

Wishing you a wonderful weekend.

Warmly, Margaret

Five Things

A few years ago I returned home after having been away for about two and a half weeks and decided to take stock of my life. The trip in and of itself wasn't out of the ordinary...nothing that was extremely rare or that hadn't been done before or written about and photographed many times over. But its overall experiences were new and different to me, so much so that when I returned home I felt both compelled and encouraged to view my life in a different way. It gave me the perspective that perhaps I needed, which was significant because at the time I really had no idea that I needed it. It was a particularly life changing trip.

Had I been in a rut? Maybe. But not an unhappy one. What I realized after taking a look at myself from across a vast ocean, amidst ancient art, architecture and ruins, amidst different food and different cultures and religion, was that I wasn't necessarily paying enough attention to......myself. The inspiration of my surroundings for those couple of weeks, the structures and ideas that had outlasted ages, those that withstood the test of many centuries, called into question how it was that I was choosing to spend my time. 

I recognized things I used to dream about, ways in which I at one time envisioned myself, things that I saw myself becoming when I was much younger and way more idealistic. During years of growing and changing, and years of the busy-ness of life, many of those things had faded into the background. What I found was that although they had faded......they had not disappeared. They were still around, folded firmly into and not out of my life. Their strands of color, light and flavor still prodded and poked. Apparently, even though I had ignored them, they weren't ignoring me.

(To be clear, time spent with family and those whom I love dearly has never been at issue. It goes with out too much mention what my priorities are in that area.)

When I returned from those travels I made a list that answered the question, "if I could choose five areas that I personally want to focus on, what would they be?". I'm pretty sure that the title scrawled at the top stated simply, "Five Things". They weren't just the five ways I most wanted to spend my time but the five ways I most needed to. It took about five seconds to jot them down.

A mid life crisis? I don't think so. Coagulating fears of an impending empty nest? Maybe. But I think it was more like an awakening. It's been over four years now since I made that list and for some reason I remember the exact date: January 4th, 2008.  I allowed myself a five year plan in order to explore and see where time spent on these things would lead. I just finished year four. In about eleven months.......I'll fill you in.

Wishing you a very lovely weekend and week ahead.

Warmly, Margaret

The above photos were taken at the Ballard Farmer's Market. www.DELUXE-FOODS.COM
Why did I include them in this post? Because I am impressed with the jam maker's decision to do what it appears she was meant to do....make jam, create flavors and sell it!

Year One

I'm kind of big on anniversaries, those reoccurring dates that serve as both reminder and motivator.  I take advantage of the framework they create to make plans, resolutions and decisions. Use them as markers to look back at where I've been and see what direction I'm headed. When certain numbers show up on the calendar, I'm tempted to take a deep breath and turn in a circle with eyes wide open in order to view with greater clarity where I stand at that very moment. I want to pause and figure out how it is that I ended up on this exact piece of ground.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my first post on this blog.  I'd been considering beginning one for quite a few months before that. By the time I punched Publish Post for the first time, I had already spent time outlining and figuring out my font, format and header. I had thought a lot about why I wanted to do it. Why it would be good for me. What I wanted it to focus on and be about. What I wanted to focus on and be about. 

In the very beginning I was nervous. None of my family, friends or acquaintances had blogs at that point......that I knew of anyway.  And of course, I wanted to let them know what I was up to, because......well......I wanted at least a few readers, followers and viewers. I wanted at least a little bit of feedback. Even though I'm comfortable with being an independent thinker, feedback really does help. There is always risk in putting oneself out there and I knew I ran the risk of making a fool of myself to varying degrees. Realizing that those I know and care about might not 'get' or understand whatever it was I planned to 'put out there' made me queasy, and for a few days pages I had already written stayed safely put, safely private, locked inside my computer. In the end, I followed my heart, my passion and my gut, and pushed that darn button.

I have to say now......a year out......that publishing This Friendly Village has been a great discipline. I have learned a lot. I've become quicker with the decision making, the thought process, the pictures and the posting.  I think I've become a better writer and photographer.  I have become more brave. 

The transition from one stage of my life (parenting) to another (an empty nest) was made easier when I gave myself permission to share. By committing to photographing, documenting and posting while exploring a few things I'm passionate about, I've been able to define what more I might do with my time......now that there is more time. To see, as I chose topics and subjects, what rose to the top. Should I have been doing this all along the way during the past 24 years? Maybe. I am definitely aware of how much I would have loved it if certain aspects of the Internet had been around when our boys were much younger. (Not to date myself...but I didn't discover blogs until a couple years ago.)

I've spent some time wondering if I have used my time in this space in the way I hoped I would. Did I find new things out about myself? Confirm what I have already known? Have I discovered new interests and met new people? Learned more about my relationship with my camera, keyboard and computer? With those I know and love? There have been a few dead ends for sure, but overall, the answer is 'yes'. And now that I've completed my first year, I'm looking  forward to the next.......few. It's made a difference in my life. I hope that in some small way it has made a difference in yours too, for we are all in whatever it is we're in.....together.

Warmly, Margaret

Looking Ahead...Enjoying Now

Happy December!

I've been working hard for the past couple of weeks putting together a calendar for 2012. This project has been a lot of fun, but as with most things......a bit more involved than I thought it would be. I have to say that I really learned a lot and am pleased with the finished product. Although I may spoil a couple of surprises here by publishing this post, I'm kind of proud of the end result.

Originally, this calendar was to be my gift to family and friends...and then my friend Jennifer suggested that I open a shop at etsy.com and offer it for sale. So with her help, I did and I've posted a link in the right hand margin of this blog. If you click on the photo of the calendar under the words My Shop, or on 'this friendly village' right below that, you'll get there.

If you are interested in purchasing one, it would make a nice gift, either by itself or packaged together with a (separately purchased or handmade) display item. I would recommend placing each month's card in a frame or on an easel, or attaching it to your refrigerator with a magnet.

A little info:

Each month is professionally printed on a 5X7 heavy duty glossy card and is paired together with one of my favorite photographs, all of which have been used on this website at some point throughout the past year. The set comes packaged inside a sturdy plastic see-through sleeve for a years worth of safe keeping. $20 plus tax and shipping. Local friends, let me know and we can avoid the shipping charges.

You also might want to check out Jennifer's designs at Pink Lily Press. She is very talented and her stationary and paper products are just beautiful.

Growing up we often made and received handmade or individually designed gifts. Truthfully...those are some of the ones that I remember most fondly. In the spirit of the season, you might want to check out this piece: Look, I Made Christmas! It's a fun one about the joy of making and giving gifts made by you!

Here's wishing you some joyful pre-holiday days!

Warmly,

Margaret

Who Would You Choose?

At some point a few years ago, I wondered: If I could have dinner, one at a time, with any three people (currently living), who would they be? Dinner, because it means a couple hours of conversation. Because ones choice of restaurant or food says something about them.  I would go armed with questions, but hope for more of a chat than an informational interview. In the end, I would want to come away with an understanding of the inherent traits that make this person tick. With a mental picture of the circumstances that allowed or encouraged them to do what they've done so far in their lives. I would want to know how they feel about their experiences and accomplishments, and aside from what they've written, filmed or recorded, what they are like as a person. I imagine I would allow enough time to pass between dinners in order to think about what each one had to say. To absorb the details, meaning and results of how they have spent their life.

My list has continued to change throughout the years,......which, I guess is the fun of it for me. The writer, actor, comedian and musician, Steve Martin, pretty consistently makes the cut. I find him intelligent and funny, and possessing an interesting range of talent. I am currently reading his novel,  An Object Of Beauty .

Tom Brokaw has been on it for quite awhile, too. I've been fortunate to have heard him speak twice this past year. The first time was in May as the commencement speaker at The University of Montana. I was so moved by this speech, that when I saw he would be speaking at Benaroya Hall for Seattle Arts and Lectures, we made plans to attend that a couple nights ago, as well. He didn't disappoint. As we listened to the editor of the Seattle Times interview him, I kept thinking it was hard to believe that one person had experienced so many historical events up close. My favorite anecdote was when he shared the serendipity of being in Germany when the Berlin wall came down. I am also currently reading his new book, The Time Of Our Lives. Perhaps I'll agree with what he says and thinks.......perhaps I won't. But I know that I respect the experiences that likely back up what he wrote.

As far as the third person on this list......I'm not so sure. I'm kind of picky, and so still thinking about this one.

If you could share a dinner with any three living people....who would they be?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

***On a Holiday note:  I've put together a Calendar for 2012 . Each month is professionally printed on a loose 5 X 7 glossy card (not quite as heavy as a post card), along with one of my photographs. I designed it so that each month could be easily displayed in a frame, on an easel or stuck to the refridgerator with a magnet.

It will be available via an etsy.com shop within the next couple of days. I meant to have it ready to go by today......but due to technical difficulty (I had to get help setting it up!) it was delayed. If you're interested, please check back. I'll post a link here soon so you can take a look at a sample and get more details.***

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Warmly,

Margaret

Beer and Chocolate

Last night we met my brother in the city and attended Bittersweet, a beer and chocolate tasting event held at the Fremont Brewing Company. We sipped, tasted and compared. Listened to music. Ate cheese and crackers. Went out for pizza afterward.

Last weekend a short write-up in the paper caught our attention. After minimal discussion, we got on line and bought tickets. I'll be completely honest here and admit we had no idea that it was a fundraiser for FamilyWorks when we bought them (but I'm sure glad it was)......we simply thought it would be interesting to see how 8 breweries and a local chocolate maker would pair up two of our favorite things. And they did it splendidly.

Each station served up small tastes of a couple of different brews: one created specifically for this evening and one chosen to be sipped along with small bites of a complementary Theo chocolate flavor. I can't say that I had a favorite; I enjoyed them all. I will tell you that the one I found most interesting had an aftertaste with a strong cayenne pepper kick.

The event was sold out......which I'm hoping serves as encouragement for its sponsors to hold it again next year. We will no doubt end up there if they do.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Warmly,

Margaret

Still Me

This past year I've spent some time catching up with a couple of good friends. The three of us studied at the same university, moved to the same city afterward and eventually shared a house for a period of time. We saw each other through jobs, job changes, new cars and boyfriends, and went on a couple of vacations together. We each got married, had children and eventually two of us moved out of the city where we had participated in each others lives on such a regular basis. We've managed to see each other occasionally during the past few years, but it all depended on schedules......and rarely included the three of us in the same place at the same time.

About a year ago......at the request of one of the women, we met up for another vacation. No husbands, no kids, just the three of us for a week in a condo on an island. I have to say that for as much as we had all kept up via cards and Christmas letters and the occasional phone call, email or visit, I was just a little nervous to spend an entire week in the same space after twenty-something years. What if we were different? What if they had changed? What if I had changed and the friendships that worked well for me in my twenties no longer did? But I went.

We clicked quickly back into easy conversation. After reminding one another about some old stories and then working through the details of our own personal new stories, we moved on.......to having fun together where we are now. Since then, we've met up for a couple of short stints, the most recent being last Saturday.

Reconnecting has caused me to give some thought to my twenty-something year old self. The 'me' in my post college years when I was truly on my own, making choices and decisions about how to spend my time and who to spend it with. Learning to identify my skills and interests, and to prioritize the use of what limited resources I had. 

And what I found was this: I am still basically the same person, still prioritizing the same things. Choosing friends and who I spend my time with for the same reasons; spending hours in ways I find meaningful. I still have a pet that is a wonderful companion (although back then it was a big orange tabby) and think that belonging to a family is a pretty good deal. Still love to cook up a good pasta dish. Write down my thoughts. Carry a camera. Still enjoy spending an afternoon reading or baking or knitting. Walking is still my favorite exercise; Fall my favorite season......although I might just say that about each season as it comes along.

Looking back at the threads that have run so consistently through my life......I find it comforting. They are my roots and structure and foundation. Although there have been years when I could not give them as much time or attention as I may have wanted, I have not let them go. They are 'me'.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Warmly,

Margaret

October

This afternoon Marc, Patrick and I will head downtown, grab a bite to eat and then take in a professional soccer game. This is something that those two, Marc and Patrick, usually do together along with a couple of their friends, but this time I'm coming along. The two of them (and Peter) grew up playing soccer, have an understanding of the game and all of its nuances that I do not, and share a tight bond regarding it.  Marc coached our older boys team for seven years, all the way through high school.  Although I can't participate in many (most) of their conversations about this sport, I enjoy them. I am happy that this is one of the ways they know each other well; something that they've been able to do together over the course of the years.

As soon as the game is over the three of us will head to the airport where Pat will catch a red-eye flight to a new city, a new job and a new chapter in his life. He is taking a chance, planting himself somewhere unexpected and staying open to see where it leads.  When we come home Marc and I will begin a new chapter in our lives as well. Another one. Looking back, that is what our relationship, marriaige and family have been all about. Beginnings and transitions. Endings that are melded into different beginnings. There is always something new, something that is over and a whole bunch of real life in between.

As I think about his send off, I know that my hopes are the same as those of most parents: that we have done an 'OK' job. That we have taught him what he needs to know. Prepared him for most situations. Helped him out enough, but not too much. That he leaves loaded with love and confidence and the knowledge that he has people he can call on whenever he needs to, for whatever reason he needs to. That he understands the power and strength of love and family.

Wishng you and yours a wonderful week!

Warmly, Margaret

A New Place To Visit

I started this blog for a number of reasons, an important one being that I planned to use it as a way to explore my recently emptied nest. To figure out how, after years of very purposefully raising three children, I would reposition myself. To find what life had waiting and where it would lead. To invite anyone who was interested to come along, because traveling with good company is always better.

When my youngest left for college a year ago, I faced into a new era that seemed to have many more hours in a day.  Although I wasn't exactly sure what to do with them, I had some ideas, got brave, took some chances. 

Still......as it happened, as each boy took the next step toward becoming an independent and self-sufficient adult, it came as somewhat of a surprise. A little bit of a shock because the years did seem to fly by so fast. Each time I watch them leave it is with a combination of love, pride and hope for their future. There is also tinge of loss on my part. I know I'm not unique. I will miss them. Every parent must feel this way.

This week one of our sons accepted his first post-college job. Next Tuesday he will move to a city in the Midwest and then live, at least for awhile, far away from where he grew up. So different from the past few years of college, when he lived four and a half hours away and in the same university town that I did for a few years. When I could count on him coming home for long weekends or summer and holiday breaks.

After so many years, it is simply habit to imagine the daily lives and routines of all of my boys; what they might be doing, thinking, feeling. What they pass in the daily to and fro. The view outside their window. It's a bit disorienting, then, to enter this phase that I'm not so familiar with. It is exciting......normal......the natural next step......necessary......OK......but for me, disorienting.

Although I will miss having him close and having our visits predictable, this is and should be, only about him. He is looking forward and that alone makes me feel very happy. And I am looking forward, too.

And...... we will have a new place to visit.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend!

Warmly,
Margaret

On Writing....On Blogging

I decided to begin a blog for a few different reasons but mainly to use as vehicle during a time of transition. I wanted to find out what would surface and figure out which way to go. I hoped it would teach me important things about myself, my changing role, goals and priorities. At the same time I devoted more hours putting pen to paper and writing. It all fits together.

This is what I've found so far:

** I enjoy the process of recording the day to day twice a week on this blog and the direct interaction that comes with it. It is casual and spontaneous and has a different feel than writing an essay or short story.

**I enjoy finding photographs to accompany each post. Whether they fit the topic directly or rather obliquely....they make sense to me.

**Hardly anyone puts pen to paper anymore....more like fingers to keys to LCD screen. However it happens, collections of words still appear. Marc gave me a red Moleskin notebook a couple months ago so I would have a place to jot down thoughts and ideas. And I do......so there is my pen to paper. 

** Outside of this blog, personal essays and short pieces of fiction are where I've landed for awhile.  I like the challenge of saying something within the confines of an assigned word count. The way it makes me distill a piece to the bones; a contrast to how wordy I am in live conversation.

 **I'm pretty sure I could tell the most embarrassing tales about my boys here on this space and would never hear back about it. So very tempting........but of course I won't. 

**Some days I don't have a clue what I'm going to say. The steam of a shower, a long walk or baking usually helps. I'm without an oven at the moment. It's been tough without cookies.

**Spending time doing something I truly enjoy has been a great way to move through life's changes. They're inevitable, right?

Hope there is something you enjoy spending time doing as well!

XO
Margaret

Almost There......

I might just be getting the hang of this......maybe. I may possibly have figured out what it means to be a mom to three adult sons......sort of. Or at least I'm on the road to that place, winding and jolting and full of steep hills and potholes that it is sometimes.

One of my goals this first empty nest year was to explore what it means to be that mom: the one who doesn't know exactly what role she plays in her family at present, but is working to figure it out. To write and document and feel each quake, complete with unpredictable aftershocks, as the tectonic plates of my world shift to new places. With each post and photograph and paragraph I am moving forward, steadily if not a bit shakily. And I should be, because of course......they are. I'm quite certain I am not meant to be stuck in the place of their younger years, repeating myself like a skipping record. (Dating myself with a comparison like that......)  I'm also quite certain that I'm getting that message LOUD AND CLEAR from each of them. If I become complacent and begin to interact in the old ways…...in the ways that are easy and comfortable and comforting…...those ways in which I know by heart how to mother.......a telltale rumble begins and I am duly warned.

I get filled in on the status of their lives via text messages, phone calls, opening doors, closing doors, cars in the driveway, brief visits, facebook posts, appearances at the dinner table or the very rare request for help. These updates come to me on their terms alone and they should. I let that happen and I should. It wouldn't do any of us any good for me to cling to them or tug at them. To impede their personal growth or roadblock their path to independent adulthood. But oh......how I want to spend some hours back in the days when our family and this house was their entire world. I know......in doing so I run the risk of impeding my own personal growth; placing a roadblock in the path of whatever else is ahead for me, too.

One of my sons is building a life in a town several hours away. Another lives here but does his best creative work long after my head hits the pillow and often goes to bed just about the time I get up. The third is home for the summer, radiating confidence after a successful first year of college that solidified just how capable he is without the rest of us nearby.

We are interconnected pieces that surround and protect a common core. Traveling independently alongside each other. Doing our own thing but staying in contact. Every once in a while, one of us makes a move and the rest of us shift, slide or lurch into place…...because by definition, we can't not. I think I’m getting it.  


(ps: computer in shop again, no pics this time.)